Speed-Networking, CSO's answer to the Great Recession?

Here at WULAW, today is Solo, Small and Midsize Firm Day, brought to you by your helpless helpful CSO office. It promises "one-to-one time with no less than 10 attorneys." It includes a fifty-minute speed networking session, followed by a half-hour reception.

Now, I don't want to be Debbie Downer, but really? Speed-networking? I mean, I guess the CSO gets an A for effort, and maybe I'm just jaded, but I don't really see many meaningful connections coming out of 5-minute chat sessions with alumni who have likely been somehow guilted talked into sharing their nuggets of wisdom and encouragement to ten downtrodden law students apiece.

It's a great idea, in theory. But I never saw a list of the attorneys who would be here. I assume they're mostly from St. Louis firms, which is great. Except a lot of us 3Ls will be out of student loan money soon, so if we want to stick around here to take advantage of all our new connections, we will need jobs. I doubt many of these fine folks are handing those out at Solo, Small and Midsize Firm Day.

Of course, I'm being selfish here, we 3Ls aren't the only ones in need of jobs, plenty of 1Ls and 2Ls are still floundering around, hoping for bite at a summer job. And to be fair, we seem to have been officially dubbed "The Lost Year" in the legal job market. So, go, you young, fresh-faced young ones, with the glimmer of landing a six-figure salary still in your eye. Speed-network. Speed-network until you can't remember another name and until you have run out of
resumés. Godspeed.

And CSO, don't worry about us 3Ls. We will find jobs. We may not make enough to pay our student loans, or even our rent, but we will find ways to fill our time, whether we be deferred or utterly jobless. I hear Chipotle is hiring.

When I grow up (Or, 5 career paths to fall back on).

Now that I have submitted my bar application, it's time to start seriously considering my fall-back plan. Really plans, since I don't expect any of them to pay the bills for any extended amount of time. My current top 5:

1. Boradway Star. When I was a little kid, I used to say I wanted to be a singer/dancer/actress on stage. I honestly feel like right now I have as good a chance at this as I do getting a job as an attorney. A quick review of the qualifications:

• Can I sing? In my car and in the shower I put on quite a concert.
  
• Can I dance? I actually took dance when I was younger and won some talent contests. Then again, 10-year-old me was pretty freaking awesome at just about everything. Seeing as how I am pretty much old balls now, I would probably break a hip.
  
• Can I act? We should check with Professor Rosenzweig on this one. I try to act like I'm paying attention in tax class three days a week, so if he's convinced, I'm pretty sure it's a go.

2. Reality TV Star. For further explanation, read this.

3. Coiner of Words. There is actually a story to this one, and it goes a little something like so: One Friday afternoon, during a make-up tax class where we were all dreaming of the booze and boos to come at the annual WLC auction, Jackie and I got to talking about rompers. Rompers? you ask, Why on earth were you talking about rompers? Well, it just so happens that our new mutual bff (who doesn't yet know she is our new mutual bff, but once you read her blog, you will want to be her bff too) has a vendetta against rompers of the adult variety. And in case you haven't noticed, for some inexplicable reason, the fashion world for some reason thinks they are a great idea right now. Anyway, Jackie accidentally found herself the confused owner of this gem:

And the following conversation ensued:

Liz: You know, that romper truly reminds me of stuff I wore in the summer when I was about 5. Jackie: Agreed. Which, is awkward, since as Una points out - you have to get completely naked to pee.
Liz: I think I would think it was a really short dress on the rack.
Jackie: Dislike. It looked like a long halter!
Liz: That is so true...the whole peeing thing is not overcomable.
Jackie: Overcomable.....good word.
Liz: I know. I just coined it. Rompers are good for something. Maybe I can get rich off that word. Jackie: I'm not sure you can -but might as well try. You can sell that word to dictionary companies while wearing a romper. It's a unique marketing strategy.
Liz: And they will know exactly what I mean.
Jackie: Totally - because you can strip down to show that the peeing while completely naked thing is wierd.
Liz: And then they would feel sorry for this poor girl who just humiliated herself by getting naked in a business meeting to which she wore a romper and they would totally buy my word.
Jackie: YES! I think this is the best idea yet.
Liz: I will add it to my list of fall-back plans.*
Jackie: Please place it near the top. And hire me as your fashion consultant. I can buy rompers with the greatest of ease.

To anyone reading who happens to work for Merriam-Webster or Random House or any other dictionary publisher: "Overcomable" is for sell.

To any of my friends who happen to have taken IP law classes: I may need your help soon. "Overcomable" is going to be big. HUGE, in fact.

*Done.

4. Professional Poster Maker. Reagan and I are going in together on this one because, as we learned while making posters for the ROW raffle and bar review at the Atomic Cowboy, we are awesome with an electronic paper cutting machine, glue and glitter. Here is just one of our creations:



We are available for weddings, birthdays, bar mitzvahs, happy hours, auctions, potlucks, upcoming evening of fabulousness at Shiver, Sugar and/or Norwoods' and road trips to Pigeon Forge, Tennessee.

5. Mechanical Bull Rental Company. Haven't you ever been to a party and thought, man, this is a great party, but it just seems to be missing something? What that party was missing, friends, was a mechanical bull. Because a party just isn't a party until something like this happens to one of YOUR friends:

Friends don't let friends ride mechanical bulls...sober.

Also available for weddings, birthdays, bar mitzvahs, happy hours, auctions, potlucks, upcoming evenings of fabulousness at Shiver, Sugar and/or Norwoods' and road trips to Pigeon Forge, Tennessee. (I hear Dolly's got some serious mechanical bull skills.)

NB: I am currently seeking investors for any/all of these endeavors. Checks can be made out directly to me. Thanks in advance for your contribution.

Why I will never keep a food diary.

1. A can of Dr. Pepper.

2. St. Louis Bread Co.'s You Pick Two - I picked the Fuji Apple Chicken Salad and Chicken Noodle Soup, with a sourdough roll and a Dr. Pepper.

3. A Butterfinger and a 20 oz. bottle of Dr. Pepper.

4. Two cold pieces of the Colonel's Original Recipe Kentucky Fried Chicken, left over from yesterday's dinner.

Only 35 calories per serving.

5. A can of Del Monte Stewed Tomatoes. Straight from the can, to a bowl, to my mouth.

6. Two Marshmallow Peeps. (Moderation is key here, folks.)

They only come around this time of year.

WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?

On the upside, the Vending Machine Challenge returns tomorrow, live from the WULAW Commons.

New Year, New Non-Resolutions.

So I'm usually not that into New Year's resolutions. They're really hard to keep. At least one always involves losing weight/getting into better shape, which just isn't fun. Last year I did P90X for a month, and just for the record, if I ever see Tony Horton in person I will probably kick him in the nuts and try to stuff a cheeseburger in his mouth.

But back to resolutions. They are, by and large, about bettering oneself. This in and of itself isn't a bad thing, I think we should all try and be a better person every chance we get. The problem with resolutions is that they are rarely carried out, which then sort of makes the resolution-maker feel worse for failing. So this year, instead of resolutions, I am setting goals. (And if you're questioning what the difference is, it's probably non-existent. "Goal" just doesn't carry with it the same sense of impending failure as "resolution.") So here are my goals for this year, in no particular order:

1. Learn how to do 3 new things. I don't know exactly what yet, although I do want to get my motorcycle license this summer, so even though technically I can sort of already ride, I may count that as one. I do want them to be fun things, so if anyone has anything they want to teach me, I might be up for anything!

2. Stay in touch. I love my friends, but I'm not the best at staying in touch. Facebook and email are my primary forms of communication, mostly because I pretty much hate talking on the phone. I feel like I have lost touch with many great people from my high school and college days. Come May I will be parting ways with many amazing people I have had the privilege of befriending over the past few years and I plan to make sincere efforts to stay in touch with them, as well as get caught up with friends from the past. My days of screening calls and letting my voicemail box get full are over.

3. Stop planning. As I grow older I realize that I am neurotic in many ways. One of my biggest neuroses is my need to plan things. I'm not talking about little things, like what's for dinner or what I'm going to wear tomorrow because when it comes to the mundane details of life, I'm pretty laid back, even indecisive at times. I'm talking about the big picture. While I don't so much care what I'm doing tomorrow, I would really enjoy knowing where I'll be and what I'll be doing this time next year, as well as five years from now. Maybe I'm a a control freak. Maybe I'd appreciate it if God would give me a roadmap so I could at least make sure I'm on the right track. I know, I know, it's the unknown that makes life worth living, blah blah blah. But every once in a while, a hint would be awesome, or if God's already been handing out hints, maybe he could make the ones intended for me a little more obvious. At any rate, perhaps my goal is to be more open to changes in the plans I make for myself rather than to stop planning altogether.

4. Take better care of myself. This is, admittedly, where the whole working-out-and-eating-better comes into play. This year it's a combination of cardio and Nautilus machines at the community center and my Wii Fit, just to make things fun. And only having class three days a week will hopefully make it a little easier to fit my new fitness goals into my schedule. Coupled with my own fitness goal is my goal for Doc. The vet says he needs to lose about ten pounds, so we will be venturing out into the neighborhood on a more regular basis.

5. Figure out what I want to do when I grow up. Not necessarily what I want to do for the rest of my life, just maybe what to do for the next ten years or so. Maybe I'll put my education to good use. Maybe I'll try out for a reality TV show (see previous post for more info!). Maybe Sarah and I will rent out a strip mall and open the bevy of businesses we keep adding to every month, which up to this point includes Sarah's baby boutique and card store and my shoe/gift boutique and cafe. Ooh, maybe I'll just start designing shoes and Christian Louboutin will want to hire me! Or maybe I'll come up with a gimmick to make my blog more interesting and marketable and sit home in my pj's all day and watch the cash roll in.

There it is. My plan for self-improvement in 2010. Maybe my blog gimmick should be tracking my progress...

Love and Marriage...and Divorce?

In less than 24 hours I have found out that two sets of friends are getting a divorce. My best guy friend from high school and his wife (who got married two weeks after Scott and I) and one of my dearest friends from college (one of my bridesmaids, actually) and her husband (who were married a couple of years before Scott and I), are splitsville. I have yet to get the scoop on the demise of their respective relationships, which I will certainly do over the next couple of weeks, but for now I am somewhat traumatized, and left to my imagination's rampant speculation, leading me to question just exactly what would push a couple so close to the edge of the precipice that the only way to survive is dive off alone.

Now we all know that every couple has its problems. Even those couples that seem perfect in polite company have their (often times unimaginably big) fights behind closed doors. Others have their fights in front of open windows, or better yet, their front yard for the benefit of the whole neighborhood. The point is, no relationship is perfect. There are days when I am overwhelmed with love for Scott and there are other days where I want to kick him in the balls. And he usually knows when those days are, because our conversation goes a little something like this:

Scott: [Says something that he knows will piss me off.]
Liz: What do you mean by that?
Scott: I just mean [something that doesn't get me un-pissed at all.]
Liz: Why the hell would you say that? What do you think you're gonna accomplish?
Scott: I don't know, I was just thinking...
Liz: Well, you had to f*$&ing know that would piss me off. Was it really necessary to say?
Scott: No.
Liz: Then why the f%&$ would you say it?
Scott: I don't know.
Liz: I mean, did you know before you said it I'd get pissed?
Scott: Yeah.
Liz: And yet you said it anyway?
Scott: (Starting to laugh.) Yeah.
Liz: You're a f#*!ing asshole. Don't f*%&ing talk to me right now.
Scott: Babe, I didn't mean anything. I mean, I knew you'd get mad, but I don't know why you have to take things so personally.
Liz: Um, I take things personally because I'm a f&#*ing person. How else am I supposed to take things? Like a couch? Or a tree? If you don't mean it personally then don't say it at all. Or, if you know it's gonna piss me off, make sure it's worth saying.
Scott: You just shouldn't take things so personally. Geez, I can't say anything to you. From now on I just won't even joke around with you.
Liz: Oh, that was supposed to be funny? You say you knew I'd get pissed off before you said it, but now it was meant to be funny? You're a f*%&ing c*%#-sucking asshole of a jerk. Don't talk to me right now.
Scott: I was just joking. Don't take things personally. Geez, I can't even talk to you.
Liz: Seriously, don't talk to me for ten minutes. If you f*%&ing talk to me in the next ten minutes I'm going to punch you in the balls. Give me ten and I'll be fine.
Scott: (Laughing more.) Fine, I won't talk to you for ten minutes.

We get over most of our fights pretty quickly because they're about stupid things. Others we don't get over quite so quickly, but most of those we can look back at now and laugh. (Like the one when I accidentally scraped Scott's truck down the side of our friend's house. To be fair, I expected him to be mad. I just didn't expect him to be quite as mad as he was. I mean, it was a really narrow driveway and his truck is huge. Turns out most of my friend's family has run into that corner of the house. Luckily his mom reminded him of the time he ran into the Mazzio's building while delivering pizzas back in the day...) All that being said, there are fights that I don't think we ever really finished; instead, I think we just both got tired of talking. Then we both got tired of not talking and things gradually went back to normal.

Now we're faced with at least one year apart, maybe more, and we have been forced to really think about what we want with our careers, our relationship and our future family. It seems as though we're at the top of a mountain, looking out at the lives we want and the path we have to take to get there. Sometimes I fear that we're looking off into the distance facing opposite directions, and that we'll be lucky to cross paths on our journey. Other times I think our paths may have diverged a bit but that ultimately they'll meet up again.

I guess it comes down to the deal breakers. Everyone must have at least one thing they won't put up with, no matter how much they love the person. Personally, I know if Scott ever insists I suck his toes, it's over. Feet are gross. Seriously though, I guess it's good we haven't discovered our deal breakers. I thought we might be close a couple of times, but those were the fights that gradually faded into the abyss. Maybe once you realize what you absolutely won't stand for, it's just too late.

Or maybe I'm wrong and there really isn't any one thing that pushed most couples over the edge. Maybe it's all the little things - he doesn't wipe the floor around the toilet (come on guys, you know you have bad aim sometimes) or she leaves hairballs in the shower. He doesn't thank her for dinner, even if it is just Hamburger Helper. She doesn't thank him for making sure she has an ice scraper and good tires for winter. He resents her shoe obsession and she resents his five fantasy football teams.

I guess if it's the little things that make a relationship fabulous, they can also be the things that make it unbearable. Whatever it is, big or little, I honestly hope I never find out.