Here's the plan:
1. Grow up in a fairly normal suburban family.
2. Concoct some story about "struggles" in my life that will serve as an excuse for any immature/absurd/asinine behavior.
3. Go to college for a year or two where I develop an uncanny ability to make a drunken ass of myself with the help of all the beer and liquor I can drink at the friendly neighborhood frat.
4. Send in a video of my amazing self simply being amazing to MTV. Get cast on the Real World.
5. Hook up, pass out, fight with housemates, cry in the confessional, suddenly realize the error of my drunken ways and become everyone's bff.
6. Compete in challenge walking the fine line between loyal teammate and backstabbing bitch in order to come away with the cash.
7. Make random appearances at Spring Break and New Year's Eve bashes.
8. Repeat steps 5 through 7 as necessary to pay the bills (at least the ones that mom and dad don't still pay).
Judging by the stellar cast of characters that has been around since I was in jr. high, I can milk this for 10-15 years.
Hopefully, by then I will have suckered some dumbass into being my sugardaddy, which will make for a perfect segue to my second career as a cougar on "Real Housewives of Somewhere." Shopping, drinking (the expensive stuff this time around!), catfights with other Real Housewives, design my own fashion line and put on a "fashion show" where all my high-society frenemies realize what a poser I am...what more could a washed-up G-lister ask for? (That's right folks, by that time I will have sunk far past Kathy Griffith on the D List.)
Why didn't I think of this sooner?
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