Love and Marriage...and Divorce?

In less than 24 hours I have found out that two sets of friends are getting a divorce. My best guy friend from high school and his wife (who got married two weeks after Scott and I) and one of my dearest friends from college (one of my bridesmaids, actually) and her husband (who were married a couple of years before Scott and I), are splitsville. I have yet to get the scoop on the demise of their respective relationships, which I will certainly do over the next couple of weeks, but for now I am somewhat traumatized, and left to my imagination's rampant speculation, leading me to question just exactly what would push a couple so close to the edge of the precipice that the only way to survive is dive off alone.

Now we all know that every couple has its problems. Even those couples that seem perfect in polite company have their (often times unimaginably big) fights behind closed doors. Others have their fights in front of open windows, or better yet, their front yard for the benefit of the whole neighborhood. The point is, no relationship is perfect. There are days when I am overwhelmed with love for Scott and there are other days where I want to kick him in the balls. And he usually knows when those days are, because our conversation goes a little something like this:

Scott: [Says something that he knows will piss me off.]
Liz: What do you mean by that?
Scott: I just mean [something that doesn't get me un-pissed at all.]
Liz: Why the hell would you say that? What do you think you're gonna accomplish?
Scott: I don't know, I was just thinking...
Liz: Well, you had to f*$&ing know that would piss me off. Was it really necessary to say?
Scott: No.
Liz: Then why the f%&$ would you say it?
Scott: I don't know.
Liz: I mean, did you know before you said it I'd get pissed?
Scott: Yeah.
Liz: And yet you said it anyway?
Scott: (Starting to laugh.) Yeah.
Liz: You're a f#*!ing asshole. Don't f*%&ing talk to me right now.
Scott: Babe, I didn't mean anything. I mean, I knew you'd get mad, but I don't know why you have to take things so personally.
Liz: Um, I take things personally because I'm a f&#*ing person. How else am I supposed to take things? Like a couch? Or a tree? If you don't mean it personally then don't say it at all. Or, if you know it's gonna piss me off, make sure it's worth saying.
Scott: You just shouldn't take things so personally. Geez, I can't say anything to you. From now on I just won't even joke around with you.
Liz: Oh, that was supposed to be funny? You say you knew I'd get pissed off before you said it, but now it was meant to be funny? You're a f*%&ing c*%#-sucking asshole of a jerk. Don't talk to me right now.
Scott: I was just joking. Don't take things personally. Geez, I can't even talk to you.
Liz: Seriously, don't talk to me for ten minutes. If you f*%&ing talk to me in the next ten minutes I'm going to punch you in the balls. Give me ten and I'll be fine.
Scott: (Laughing more.) Fine, I won't talk to you for ten minutes.

We get over most of our fights pretty quickly because they're about stupid things. Others we don't get over quite so quickly, but most of those we can look back at now and laugh. (Like the one when I accidentally scraped Scott's truck down the side of our friend's house. To be fair, I expected him to be mad. I just didn't expect him to be quite as mad as he was. I mean, it was a really narrow driveway and his truck is huge. Turns out most of my friend's family has run into that corner of the house. Luckily his mom reminded him of the time he ran into the Mazzio's building while delivering pizzas back in the day...) All that being said, there are fights that I don't think we ever really finished; instead, I think we just both got tired of talking. Then we both got tired of not talking and things gradually went back to normal.

Now we're faced with at least one year apart, maybe more, and we have been forced to really think about what we want with our careers, our relationship and our future family. It seems as though we're at the top of a mountain, looking out at the lives we want and the path we have to take to get there. Sometimes I fear that we're looking off into the distance facing opposite directions, and that we'll be lucky to cross paths on our journey. Other times I think our paths may have diverged a bit but that ultimately they'll meet up again.

I guess it comes down to the deal breakers. Everyone must have at least one thing they won't put up with, no matter how much they love the person. Personally, I know if Scott ever insists I suck his toes, it's over. Feet are gross. Seriously though, I guess it's good we haven't discovered our deal breakers. I thought we might be close a couple of times, but those were the fights that gradually faded into the abyss. Maybe once you realize what you absolutely won't stand for, it's just too late.

Or maybe I'm wrong and there really isn't any one thing that pushed most couples over the edge. Maybe it's all the little things - he doesn't wipe the floor around the toilet (come on guys, you know you have bad aim sometimes) or she leaves hairballs in the shower. He doesn't thank her for dinner, even if it is just Hamburger Helper. She doesn't thank him for making sure she has an ice scraper and good tires for winter. He resents her shoe obsession and she resents his five fantasy football teams.

I guess if it's the little things that make a relationship fabulous, they can also be the things that make it unbearable. Whatever it is, big or little, I honestly hope I never find out.